Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
