So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
