I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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