sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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