my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
