i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
