Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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