that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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