so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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