How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
