listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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