holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
