operation have a gay friend backfired
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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