i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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