my text book just quoted the cookie monster
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
