How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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