Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
