Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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