You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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