Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
