pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
