i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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