Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
