just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
