My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
