Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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