why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
