last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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