I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
why is half of my head shaved?
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