You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
