can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
