omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
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He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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