I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
