need another drink. this is the easiest way
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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