dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
