You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
