If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
