I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
