He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
