So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
