God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
