can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
