i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
