i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
