ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
