Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
