So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
