hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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