New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
