I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
