is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
