Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
