Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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