I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just pee around me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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