just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
