I must be too annoying 4 u.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
