I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
