You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
