Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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