The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
