When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
