why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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