All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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