Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
