And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
