I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
