That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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