First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
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she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
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Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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