Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize