Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
