Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
