What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
