Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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