she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
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WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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