So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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