They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
