Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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