i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
